30.04.13 - And now the end is near
Well who would have thought that I would end the last league game of the season with a blue face, wearing a smurf hat, having just had a cool box full of iced water tipped down my neck ( I know it was you Frazer, and no you didn’t slip and Swanborough didn’t knock your arm).
The team have won promotion after a number of years, which is great, we have done it with a young squad a young captain, and the support of our sponsors and the rest of the club, so well done to everyone, it shows the strength that we have coming through the club at all levels .I know at times there is a feeling that all the focus is on the 1st team and some areas of the club may feel neglected ( they do because I have seen the emails) but it is important that we all feel part of the success that we have had this year. This will be the last ramblings of the season. I see we had some great results at the Walsham festival , and this was followed up by over 1000 people attending our own mini’s festival .Well done to Lisa and the all the helpers who made the day such a success, unfortunately I couldn’t be there as we were in Holland for the week end, Mrs Pres needed some new clogs.
The annual dinner was a great success, well done to Chairman Steve , a few of us wore the club blazers, which started the evening with a laugh.The players misbehaved, Ben Kay was excellent and he did give me my pen back, although where he put it, after the comment about the dropped ball, means I may never write with it again,much less sit down! Presidential End of Term Report.
During the course of the season I have attended dinners at Holt, Wymondham, Diss, Walsham ( to come) , if I include the excellent club lunches and the forthcoming Past presidents dinner, and the annual event plus Youth Awards ,I reckon I have eaten 2 small cows, 6 chickens, 2 pigs and a small lamb.26 Yorkshire puddings, 1/2cwt of spuds and 6 apple pies , Drank 2 cases of wine ( 1 white 1 red), I keg of beer, a bottle or two of port, ? bottle of scotch and a snowball ( not sure where that came from), I also had 2 grapes to go with the whole stilton as I think it important to keep up your fruit content .
Foot in mouth moments – too many to count .
Laughs received at speeches – 2, silent moments and shuffling of feet – many.
Headaches – too many to count.
Debt incurred – slightly less than Cyrprus. Nights banished to the shed – 24, I am there now .
As the series of presidential musings draws to a close I think its only fitting to acknowledge the contributions that some of you have made to the proceedings.
The Cast
The President Mr Forgetful l
Mrs Pres Angelina Jolie
Chairman Steve ( who owns this club?) Lord Sugar
Grizzly Dave Fozzy Bear
Pedals Everett Chris Hoy
Frazer ( a coach) Sgt Wilson
Gary ( a physio) Pike
Uncle Ted Capt Mainwaring
GH Dithers the gardner
Loveday Louis Spence
Whiplash Pott Harpo Marx
CJ Basil Fawlty
Snapper Lord Snowdon
Auntie Di DI
Capt Dave Capt Marvel
Joe Riches GI Joe
(Joe Riches appears by kind permission of Maximuscle)
Toby Sonic the Hedgehog
Fernie A Geordie
(Fernie appears by kind permission of Ambre Solaire.)
Hugo Played himself
Auntie Claire Claire
(Claire appears by kind permission of the Nappa Valley wine growers appreciation society)
Anna Little Miss Organised
In the words of the great Bugs Bunny …………………..That’s all folks !!
p.s next years President is rumoured to be really good looking and an excellent speaker - can’t wait.
07.04.13 - President's Poolside mini blog Well, here I am getting my knees brown and the news came through, that we have been promoted
"Yippee I said to Mrs Pres lets go to the bar"
" You have only just come from the bar, as you were drinking to quell your nerves "
"I know they have been well and truly quelled and I think I should now celebrate"
So off I went.
Some time later...
" will done to all the boysh for their win I am very happy, and have just fell of me stool into the pool"
See you all at Cantabs - for more beer
Tally Ho
25.03.13 - Oh to be in England now that Spring is here! Obviously not at the club on Saturday, it was freezing for the Wisbech game – well done for another win which keeps us in the hunt, but it was also the Back to Norwich game, held in memory of Alan Harvey, a great guy who would have thoroughly enjoyed Saturdays escapades, a day to remember how fast or slow we used to be, and why we still enjoy running about (well OK strolling around and then jumping on people) and that was just in the dressing room. A big thank you to all the players who turned up and especially the lads from the 2nds and 3rds who turned up to give us such a great game. Well done to Matt Selby who won the Man of the Match – I presented him with voucher sized piece of polystyrene as I had mislaid the meal for two voucher (at this stage the Chablis was kicking in) he thought it was a large prawn cracker and ate it! Its in the post Matt . The whiff of adrenalin was in the air (at least thats what I thought it was) as we girded our loins for the forthcoming game, my extremities we strapped up, Tim Askam was practising his dummy passes (look on the web site for the most outrageous example) Kevin Austin was applying lip salve to enhance the family pout, Loveday had an airhostess trolley for his kit and make up, and there was the usual fight to get the shirts with the least holes in them. Aidie and Gareth laced up my boots and carried me onto the pitch. Mark and Mike did an excellent job in organising the team, which included separating my sons who had a mild scrap as to who was going back onto the pitch after being substituted, Adie won, ran on, scored and was then substituted by Mark for his brother, excellent . I finished the game with a mazy run from the half way line, chipped over the full back, gathered the ball swerved round the winger who had chased back and dived over the line (those of you that were there know what happened) but it could have been like that. Lunch was good fun, we had 3 of our sponsors there, EBS , Anglia Home Improvements and Cozens Hardy, talking of EBS I remember sharing a room with KF on a colts tour some years ago, we were the responsible adults. As we were about to retire he asked me if I fancied a swift one before going to bed, I still regret not asking him what he meant. I can’t face going into a Travel Lodge even now . Heard in the changing room: Adrian – “ Gareth have you any hair gel” Gareth “ Yep” Me “ Can I have some?” How 25 chaps summoned up the energy to laugh so loud is beyond me!! Already looking forward to next year, now where did she put my boots? Serious thought of the week. “Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them – a desire, a dream, a vision” – Muhammad Ali 20.03.13 - A Funny Thing Happened on the way to the Forum
Well actually nothing funny happened on the way, but a bunch of us did go to the Forum last Saturday to support the O2 Touch Rugby initiative that is being run by Physio Gary. It was a really excellent set up with a small artificial pitch, where some of the boys demonstrated their prowess, although JC was beaten at throwing a ball through Martin Bayfields mouth by a 6 year old , although having seen him play we should not be too surprised.
There was a bucking ball, well at least that’s what I think Popey called it as it whizzed around and threw him into the barriers, 18 stone travelling through the air, not something you see everyday. One of the first team seemed to like talking to the RFU promotions girls, “ Do you think I have big legs?” he whispered, she laughed “ Would you like one of my nuggets to nibble “ this boy was nothing if not persistent , at this stage she patted him gently across the face and walked away “ I think she likes me” he groaned. Grizzly Dave attracted attention as he jigged about trying to keep warm, “Oh look “ said the skateboarders (who had nowhere to skate due to the pitch) “ A dancing bear, lets poke him and see what happens ” They were last seen running screaming along Gentlemans Walk pursued by Grizzly Dave. We gave loads of leaflets out , one chap with long pony tail, face make up and a leather coat, rolled one up inserted some leaves and smoked it, I’ll bet we don’t see him playing touch. On Sunday we were on shop duty, how Mrs Pres loves that, I watched the u14’s play in the Norfolk Plate competition, although they lost to West Norfolk they did well to compete against a stronger side.
Another batch of blazers have arrived and they look just as good, Frazer tried his on “ I think this makes me look quite dapper, I may go out in it later “ Captain Dave now has one, as does Snapper and apparently his 42 regular is now a 46, and fits (a bit). AP is still holding out, “The colour doesn’t suit me , I prefer the feel of leather next to my skin “, which accounts for the squeaking noise!
This week is the back to Norwich day, and my training is coming to a peak, I can now do both laces up without being out of breath, and have just received 15metres of elastic support bandage from Amazon to bind my extremities.
Serious thought of the week.
“Whoever said, it’s not whether you win or lose that counts’ probably lost”- Martina Navratilova
10.03.13 - Sudbury or bust It all started as I picked up Chairman Steve, “ Steve you are big enough now to get in the car yourself” I said as I hauled him into to his seat, “ But I like being carried, and I am the Chairman you know “ Ted meanwhile was gently snoring in the back seat. We spotted Snapper Micklethwaite hiding in a hedge “ I am waiting for someone to pick me up he whispered.Which would account for the lipstick and high heels. We said we would see him at Sudbury and drove off, and then waved as we passed him again as for some strange reason I couldn’t find the exit to the car park !! The journey was quite uneventful really, Steve found the sat nav voice attractive and had quite a conversation with her, he then insisted on reading out estimated time of arrival when we became a little delayed. “Oh No its now saying 12.43 we will be late “ “Its 12.53 there will be none left “ 12.55 the soup will be cold and there will be skin on the gravy! As luck would have it we arrived in time for the soup, I then won the sweepstake, Dwyer tried to pick my pocket and the team almost gave us a heart attack, before winning the game to keep us top of the league. I introduced Sudbury to an old friend, yes the joke about Mandy’s Big Baps surfaced again ( punchline “ forget the hot dog then”) Highlights from the game included Si Derby pointing out to one of the opposition that he was going to run over him, and then doing it, “Rampaging “Riches running over, and through pretty much anything (there you are Joe another mention). That's quite enough Riches exposure thank you! - Ed Well done to the Lions for the win at Watton, did Mike fail to score again?
Back to Norwich training update – can now bend over and lace the boots up.
Serious thought of the week. – could apply to our League campaign
“It will always be alright in the end - if it's not, then it's not the end” - From ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel'
06.03.13 - Its Golf but not as we know it or where did my boots go?
A few bits to catch up on as I have been out and about. I missed the Wansted game as we were at Twickenham for the France game as were most of the usual travelling supporters. Great English result, I lost me hat, Adie lost his wallet, Buggy lost his cap and then found it and I sang Delilah in the bar afterwards, standard sort of day really. Shame about the Wansted result but a losing bonus point is OK , it just makes things a little tight for the remaining games, although the win against Canvey was very welcome .Scotty’s injury is a blow to the team but hopefully we will see him at the remaining games.
Good numbers at the lunch this week, with Read Bros being there ( again) Steve was celebrating his birthday, he wanted to keep it quiet but the fact is he is now 60, yes I know 60 , Steve Read is 60 its hard to believe as we all thought he was older!! Glen Read was there and has promised to fly in for the back to Norwich day, it was a helicopter last year so it could be anything this time. Other sponsors attending were BAM Nuttal who bought along a big cheque, who seemed to enjoy himself, Birketts who won the £50 and Norwich Print Solutions..
I see the seconds won away at West Norfolk and Mike Phillips thought he should have scored, haven’t we all Mike at some point ? The 3rds were at home this week against Broadland and lost but we are getting sides out which is the main thing.
You will be wondering about the golf reference (or maybe not) well we had a team in the first Norfolk RFU golf day and game third, the team comprised me, GH, CJ and Adie. It was played on a freezing day at Barnham Broome, it was so cold we passed a brass monkey looking for a welder, GH frosted over entirely, at least that was his excuse for hitting my ball, and my excuse for putting and hitting his was I am rubbish!! CJ promptly docked me 2 points and I retired hurt.
Back to Norwich training update : I now have boots and the target is to be able to bend over and tie them by kick off . The boots were a bit of a challenge as according to Mrs Pres, I had “decluttered” them, apparently at the same time as my socks, shorts , but I have retrieved them and evicted the mouse that had taken up residence in the toe, I just need to sow up the hole in the knee of my shorts and I am good to go.
Forthcoming Events
O2 Touch Rugby tour at the Forum 16/03
Annual Dinner 25/04
Summer Disco 17/05
19.02.13 Why does no-one mention me? Strange title you may ask but all will become clear, as we look at this weeks events (arguably the least strange title thus far what with battered sporrans and bodgers - Ed). Off we went to Essex again, me and Ted (he drove, my goodness the Jetta flew down the A11, until Ted realised he was looking at the clock and not the speedo, then we slowed down).
Brentwood High street is a revelation on a Saturday afternoon, leopard skin leggings, bleach blond hair, fur coats and loads of fake tan, and the women were just as bad.
We met the others in a pub where they gave you a little wooden spoon with a number on, “Ideal for spanking “ said Trev , “I’m game” replied GH with a saucy wink, while the rest of us paid close attention to our food and tried not to make eye contact. After we had been thrown out we found the ground and realised we had missed the kick off, but then again so had the coach who wandered out clutching a cup of tea.
If you have read the report you will know what a great team performance this was, everyone was involved Snapper wandered along the touchline muttering “ basic skills, basic skills” I felt I had to encourage the opposition with some well chosen words of advise , which I am not sure was appreciated, Hilly had a chat to the ref , Grizzly had a word with Hilly, Fernie threw up. Joe was itching to be involved and at half time threw himself into the fray, with a cry of “ You will have to mention me now !” Scored a storming try, kicked Si Derby in the head and rampaged around the pitch for the rest of the half.- taking this weeks demented rhino award
This week we are playing in the Norfolk RFU golf day, when the club blazers will once again be on display. The blazers are attracting quite a bit of attention, one of the Brentwood players said to me “ I see you have the same S**TTY style of blazers that we have “ which is actually the nicest thing so far
Belated well done to Capt Dave who played for Eastern Counties u20’s
Serious thought of the week
“Remember that guy that gave up? Neither does anybody else.” – Carnegie.
15.02.13 - Sack the Juggler or the Day Hugo came to lunch
A bit late with my musings this week, in fact its nearly next week and we shall soon be saddling up for the trip to Brentwood. I am just hoping that the escapades of our last trip to Essex are not repeated. So no more fake tans, high heels and definitely no-one sneaking off for piercings. I forgot to mention that I had watched the under 15’s the other Sunday against Beccles and whilst they were soundly beaten, it was good to see the excellent spirit in the team and the fact they never gave up, well done, and with the support of the coaches and supporters the results will come. Last weeks lunch was excellent with a spate of sponsors in attendance, Alan Boswells, Pymm and Co, Cozens Hardy, Ribs of Beef and some of the new sponsors of individual players. Great to see over 80 in attendance, Chris Gibbs treated everyone to a demonstration of juggling half way through my speech, and after we had mopped the floor I carried on. Chairman Steve hosted a table and paid for his lunch, yes really , we now have even more blazers in attendance, just need to find something that the colour goes with and we should be OK. Steve Read from Read Brothers Timber, was there telling everyone, well me and Hugo actually, how he had played in the same position as Owen Farrell “Oh yes I could teach him a thing or two” “ Really Steve , those deft side steps and shrewd tactical kicks that you were known for?” “ No I was thinking more about the best timber to use for a roof truss , you never know when that may be needed” it was that sort of day.
Forthcoming events
Annual Dinner – see Chairman Steve
Back to Norwich Day – should be fun and painful, now where did she hide my boots??
Lord Mayors Parade – the players are organising this.
04.02.13 The case of the battered Sporran What a busy week, it was great to see so many people at the Burns night organised by Colin Dunbar with help from Di, the food and entertainment was excellent, we had pipers, an auction ,singers and a variety of sporrans of all shapes and sizes on display, AP kept showing his battered specimen off until we realised that it wasn’t a sporran at all ! After that he was made to sit outside until he had cooled off. The waiters were supplied by the under 15’s and Under 16’s who did a superb job , and an even better job of murdering my bar tab. Loveday as a forfeit was made to down a small Latvian*, which he did with a rabbit punch to the neck , he then bundled her into the boot of his car, with a cry of “ Always wanted an au pair “ I sang along to a few songs, made a speech, slurred my words, and was taken home in a whisky befuddled haze, and was back a few hours later for the lunch .
We squeeked a narrow win against a strong Upminster side, JC gave a demonstration of comedy kicking, Si Darby was the well deserved man of the match and Mark Fernie finally claimed his first team tie, and then insisted on showing everyone how his fake tan had faded ( that boy has a problem) , Pete Hoskins was also awarded his first team tie but kept his kit on( phew)
A couple of “ouch “ moments Mike from the 2nds has damaged his shoulder and will be off for a few months and Nick Hunt, I am told has broken his ankle – get well soon boys, The 2nd team recorded their 4th win on the trot, the blend of experience and youth is working well (obviously Mike Phillips is the experience not the Youth part) Roy Bishop is gathering information on the history of the club and is looking for some old relics to display, we suggested that Ted and Trevor should be stuffed and mounted, and displayed in a glass case behind the bar as a starter. Serious thought of the week.
"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way." - Karen S. Magee
And finally
Is it a coincidence that 'hamburgers' is an anagram of Shergars Bum? *Perhaps I'd better explain, for those that weren't there that the Latvian in question was a particularly noxious bottle of 'whisky', the smooth type where you are guaranteed to get your vision back within 7 days. Dunny has had it on the shelf for ages if that gives you some idea of how bad it is! – Ed 20.01.12 The Only Way is Essex
There are a couple of things to discuss this week, we held our mid season players meeting, with an excellent attendance from players across the club, including some players from the colts and “ The Pirate and some of his buccaneers. There is a really positive approach at all levels which is great to see, we discussed what needs to happen to give us a chance of promotion and what happens afterwards ( obviously we will drink a load of beer to celebrate but there is some way to go before that happens). Mike from Validus came along and outlined what a sponsor expects and the players responded well and came up with a number of ideas to promote the Club in the city, including revitalising our appearance at the Lord Mayors show, should be fun. The game was away at South Woodham Ferrers, so as this is Essex heartland we thought we should make an effort. Ted had treated himself to a fake tan, which owed a little bit to Ronseal Dark Oak than Mediterranean Morning ( is that a shade ?), CJ was wearing his best high heels ( couldn’t spell stilletos) teamed with a rather natty multi coloured bobble hat. I wore the new blazer and had given myself a severe waxing using melted wax crayons and some fly papers I found in the shed.This made driving a little uncomfortable as once I had removed the strips of waxed paper I liberal splashed the baby smooth areas with some of Ted’s Brut .Snapper joined in and had sewn a line of sequins on his jogging bottoms. As you will know we narrowly lost but we are still in contention and I know the team will make the effort. At one stage Young Toby who has taken over as water boy from Smiley asked Grizzly if he should take the tee on as we had a penalty , “Nah Babes they won’t want anyfink to eat “ said Grizzly as he combed his paws through his newly added blonde extensions, whilst at the same time reclining on a sun bed he had somehow acquired. Pedals Everett and Fraser were admiring each others French polish and AP who had wandered off ,appeared boasting that he had been vajazzled, and asking who wanted to see ( funnily enough there were no takers ) but it did make him walk funny. It was good to see young Searle appear to watch, “Hope you ate those sandwiches young man “ Matt who now operated at the top echelons of corporate entertaining seemed reluctant to tuck in, think it was the fluff from Teds coat that was sticking to them.
Forthcoming Events
Burns Night – fully booked I think
Norfolk RFU Golf Day – we have entered a team
Back to Norwich Day
Serious Thought – Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something , perhaps when you are least expecting it. No one ever stumbled on something sitting down.
10.01.13 The case of Snapper's blazer Well they have arrived and goodness me didn’t we cut a dash as we paraded the new blazers (no need to answer that), I did my speech at the lunch wearing sun glasses such was the glare from the outfits, which was better than the glares I usually get for forgetting something. Everyone was happy, well apart from one person who was a little miffed that his didn’t fit .” I have worn a 42 regular for years and this one doesn’t fasten”
Yes I know, Snapper Micklethwaite a 42 reg I almost fell off my chair !!
Chairman Steve took him to one side “ I appreciate that Andy, but do your 42 reg clothes fasten ? “That is not the point I have been 42 reg since I was 18 and see no reason to change now “
So this weeks quiz is - What size of blazer should he be wearing? The prize would have been a spare 42 reg which we now have if Drinkill hadn’t seen the opportunity and went home wearing it.
2 good wins this week, the 1st XV against Harlow which keeps us in contention for promotion, and the 2 Mikes are continuing their good work with the 2nds who won away at Fakenham. We entertained the Harlow committee at the Ribs of Beef after the game, a good time was had by all, once again things became a little hazy. Although sales on the night were down as the regulars spent so much time laughing at the blazers they couldn’t drink their beer.
We were at the shop on Sunday, or rather we weren’t as we forgot, AP is charging the prod as we speak so it looks like the punishment cell for me and Mrs Pres (might be fun)
Numbers are looking good for the Burns night, see Colin Dunbar if you still wish to attend.
Question of the Week – Who owns this club anyway? (See Chairman Steve for the answer )
Honestly give someone a blazer and a badge and they get carried away
See you next week
18.12.12. Bah Hambag or is it Humbug?
Hello there its me I’m back, I had a couple of weeks off in a darkened room, I thought it best after the episode with the traffic warden and the trumpet. I wasn’t allowed anything sharp and Its tough writing anything when you are only allowed wax crayons but the red ones do taste quite nice.
A few well dones and best wishes this week :
Mike Phillip who is taking on the management of the 2nd team full time, (we all knew it would happen) and has helped them to their 3rd win on the trot.
All the Youth and Mini players who won the player of the month awards , the awards were hosted by some bald bloke.
Nick Austin for obtaining his first team tie and then fighting one of the mini’s for the McDonalds Happy Meal voucher (the mini won).
The first team for that excellent win against Wisbech , it was their first defeat at home this season and they awarded us a plaque in recognition, the boys also had a close victory this week over Beccles to maintain top place in the league
Best wishes to Chairman Steve – hope to see you back at the club soon . The annual Christmas lunch was well attended and everyone involved in the organisation of it did a superb job, over 130 were catered for and we had representation from 3 of our sponsors , City College, Lanpro and Validus , Buggy turned up in an unusually offensive Xmas jumper and then revealed it was how he usually dressed on a Saturday. Aunty Claire was there “ Yes I will have another bottle of Rose “ she said as she deftly caught a carrot lobbed at her by Monty, Anna won a £50 prize, I have never seen money disappear into a purse so quickly!!. Hugo attended his first lunch at the club and seemed baffled by the activity, I think he will fit right in, Grizzly Dave contributed to the Christmas spirit by wearing one of those false noses that light up, until Snapper tried to pull it off and realised that it wasn’t false, AP had decorated his prod with tinsel and insisted on showing it off to the ladies , I remembers everyone’s name for a change, but then forgot mine . The team stayed on after the game and drank the club out of beer, and we witnessed a Christmas miracle ……………….Loveday bought them a beer ., which they all enjoyed sharing.
Earlier in the week I attended the annual W&A lunch (don’t ask what it stands for) , a fine bunch of men who have done a great deal to support the club over the years, and did an even finer job of supporting me as we left the restaurant, Marais ended up asleep in the Wildman (standing up) , Mark lost his shirt, Steve called me Alan all afternoon, and once again it became a little hazy. I popped in to see the mini’s party which seemed to be going well , Magical Ed was well, magical, but as I left I spotted a bedraggled heap of rags in the corner of the car park, as I went closer I could see it was an old gentleman weeping and shaking, “ Never again” he mumbled “ I can’t go through that again” I realised when I saw the ripped and tattered red suit as I helped him to his feet who it was. Santa had just been to the mini’s party!! He was last seen staggering across the field in the direction of the airport where his sleigh was parked , muttering “ That’s it I have retired “.
BUT I BET HE WON’T
Merry Christmas to everyone and lets look forward to a successful second half of the season.
Forgot to say, Carol Concert this Wednesday 19th December at the Catholic Cathedral 18.30 start (see CJ I did remember)
Burns Night 1st Feb see Colin Dunbar for tickets
28.11.12 The case of the stolen Bodger Well done to Mike Jolly and the second team for a good away win at Watton, once again we had a number of colts playing and the blend of more mature players and the colts seems to be paying off.
It was nice to see Gary Dawson back with us, after his illness, well done Gary.
We had over 80 for lunch this week, with three sponsors and guests attending – Sexty and Co, EBS , and GSL Dardan, it went well as usual until I called Mark from GSL, Graham, and then 80 people spent all afternoon telling me of the mistake.The only person who didn’t seem to mind was Graham, sorry Mark.
The first team performance was much improved this week, and they narrowly missed a bonus point, JC in an effort to keep being mentioned resorted to fancy dress after the game and asked to be bandaged up to look like Pudsey Bear, Gary obliged and JC was happy.The game finished in semi darkness with a number of spectators holding up lighters to illuminate the scene, it looked a little like a Barry Manilow concert. I received a strange call from CJ who asked if I wanted to join his latest adventure and go to Cambridge and steal bodgers, as I have never stolen anything in my life I was a little reluctant, also I didn’t know what a bodger was or where to find one. Once it was explained to me that it was actually a game against Cambridge University and the Steele Bodgers XV were an invitation team I was OK, although I did feel conspicuous standing on Norwich station in a hooped jumper and mask, he should have told me sooner. We had a great day, excellent lunch followed by the game, although things did get a little hazy at one stage, it must have been the weather. We played a game of chase with the stewards who kept moving us from various seats in the stands, only to find we appeared through another door and sat down again, we had a little sing-song in the bar, and on the train home, the commuters loved that, and were so happy to see us they threw us bits of food in case we were hungry. Forthcoming events – The return of the Terminator – who is he? Will he take to the field again? Keep watching to find out .
Norfolk R.F.U Carol Concert 19 December - see the poster in the Club for more details.
Heard in Cambridge
“Pssst ,Chris”
“ Who said that “
“ Its me over here, I’ve got one”
“One what ?”
“ A Bodger , its hidden under my jacket “
“ Let me look, good grief I never thought I would see one that size, you’d better put it back it may be missed” ………………………………..So I did
19.11.12 Toby’s day at the seaside.
Well done messages this week to:
Mike Phillips taking over the management of the 2nd team ( he says until Xmas, but he knows what will happen), Mike has carried out a number of roles for the club and will always help out when needed. Also they won this week against West Norfolk, with a couple of our under 18’s playing, great to see the colts supplying the senior sides with players.
Jonny Wheater has taken over as Club Captain and I am sure he will do a great job. The week started when I was summoned to Grizzly’s den, “ Where are you Dave ?” I shouted .” Up here I am hiding “ Why are you up a tree Dave” “ It’s the hunting season for bears you know” I said that I did know but that was in Canada and not Watton, and he should come down as the lady next door was looking through the curtains at him. He dropped to the floor shook off the pine needles and then shook me.
“I need you to pick someone up for me” “Steady on Grizzly I am not sure I am up for that sort of behaviour” “ No, one of our younger players needs a lift to Canvey Island as the wheel has come off his trike” I arrived at the pick up point in good time, to see the youngster standing there clutching a variety of boxes and carrier boxes, and a bucket and spade “ What is all that ?” “ I love a day at the seaside, and thought we could have a paddle, then crabbing, a picnic, then perhaps if we can fit the surf board on the roof I could perhaps catch a wave”.” The only thing you will catch today is likely to be a cold “
Off we went. Diss – “ Are we there yet” "No"
Martlesham Heath “ Now” "No"
Ipswich “ Can I have some sweets” "No"
Colchester “ I need the toilet” "No you don’t"
Chelmsford” I’ve done it” "Good grief!" The remainder of the journey went quietly the only sound being faint knocking from the boot , and a littler later as we crossed the A13 strange gasping sounds. We stopped at Canvey, and I opened the boot, “ What was that noise “ “ I was blowing up Gerald “ “Steady on youngster we don’t want that sort of thing ” “No its my inflatable crocodile, so we can get to the beach early.”I made use of the pin on the Presidential badge and Gerald was consigned to the bin. I watched the game, I was asked to move behind a rope barrier by the ref, he told me actually (and before he was within 50 yards of the pitch- clearly identified as a troublemaker -Ed) I think it was because my attempts at a Mexican wave was upsetting the other spectator, and distracting passing traffic.
We gave Joe a lift home and the two passengers discussed Apps on their phones ( no idea),school resource levels and how to do a lesson plan, and I wondered what Flavia would be wearing on Strictly!.
Sudbury at home next week. Serious Thought
Once we rid ourselves of traditional thinking we can get on with creating the future." – Thomas Edison
13.11.12 The Case of the Wine tasting Quite a lot to report this week, firstly the well done’s:
Claire Hollidge who is doing a great job as coaching co-ordinator, not an easy role, she just makes it look like that .
Andy Micklethwaite for being voted Norfolk RFU’s volunteer of the month, well deserved.
Well done to Spinksy and his team at 
for their success at the recent EDP Business Awards .
J.C was presented with his first team tie.
Carl recently celebrated his sons first birthday, congratulations to all the family.
We attended the Holt dinner in the week, the usual suspects me, GH, Chris, Chairman Steve, Trippas, it was very enjoyable although I am still not sure why there was a large sugar beet displayed on the top table at one stage.
It was also the regular general committee meeting this week and that’s where the trouble started. Chairman Steve produced some example wines that are being considered for behind the bar.” These are for tasting, you don’t have to finish the lot “ “Finish the lot, I’m up for that “said Chris……………………………………………..some time later. “Thish Shirash is a little bull fodied for my liking, although, hic, burp ,another glash may improve its nose” this came from CJ, as he gradually sunk to the floor. Snapper was balancing a bottle of Merlot on his head, “ You know those club blazers aren’t half bad, I think I will have one, and why have you all gone blurry around the edges?” Trippas who had given a Cabernet a severe going over was making paper airplanes of the accounts and throwing them at Loveday. Lisa was drinking Pinot from the bottle and talking about ringing Magical Ed ( no I have no idea either) Grizzly Dave and AP were nursing a full bodied clart as the snuggled together on Grizzly’s bale of straw. “ You’re may bestish friend Grizzly” said AP, “ I know” growled Dave “but you are not having anymore of Mrs Claret she is mine” “ Oh go on, I am getting an aroma of earthiness and countryside” “ Sorry “said Dave “That was me” .Chairman Steve finished the meeting in his usual position, head in hands “ Why don’t you ever listen to me, please go home!!”. We played Hitchin in the cup, well done to them for their victory, which was well deserved. The coaches were once again seen huddled together after the game, “ I’ll bet they are discussing ways to get the team back on track and focused for next week’s game at Canvey” said Bish. I asked Pedals Everett if that was the case. “No” he replied “we are sorting through some eggs to break on the players heads” So watch out Canvey it looks as though omelettes will figure a part in our plans. Other events to note, Chis and Winks heading off to an Abba tribute evening.” Just remind me why I am wearing this wig and silver jump suit, also these platform boots are a bit tight” asked Chris as he limped across the car park .” Because you are the blond one “ replied Winks “ Well which one are you then ?” I am Bennie who played the piano “. As the two chums weaved their way across the car park the strains of “Knowing me Knowing you” could be heard as they began to practise. See you next week Serious Thought
"If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got." - A. Einstein.
06.11.12 The Case of the Popey’s coat.
Overall a bit of a strange week , we entertained over 50 for lunch, well done to Spinksy and Carl for generating the increased numbers, the free draw seems to be well received, especially if you are the winner. How we manage to offer 2 weeks in Hawaii is beyond me .There were sponsors in attendance this week Howes Percival who are the new mini’s sponsors and Loveday and Partners, led by ex President Mark Loveday a man who is hard to forget, but if we all try hard we could! Their contribution to the club is very welcome and we hope to see them again later in the season. Well done to all the Mini and Youth players who received their player of the month awards from Tom of Howes Percival .
The second team welcomed Bury to the club, or rather they didn’t , well some did, but between Friday night and Saturday we appear to have lost 10 players. Apologies to Bury who turned up, changed and ran out on the pitch then turned round changed and went home, doesn’t look good chaps .Well done to the 2nds that arrived and offered to play with reduced numbers and then drove to Holt to help out the 3rd team , see me for a beer when you are about. The first team won again and remain top of the league, highlights of the game were Aaron kept falling over (I think J.C. kept tripping him up) although he swore he was injured , Capt Dave injured his jaw and was seen in the clubhouse trying to eat his chips through a straw, J.C. kept kicking penalties and asking everyone if his legs looked big, (No) . The coaches made full use of the rolling subs rules and rolled Bails onto the pitch and then 3 players rolled him back off it , great to see such a strong supporter of the club helping us out. The coaches were seen standing together under the posts, “ Do you think they are analysing running lines and defensive strategies asked Brendan ( Dwyer not O’Brien) “ No I think they are trying to keep warm “ came the reply. Grizzly Dave was quiet this week although was seen foraging in the hedgerow, ”Maybe he is after some nuts for winter” said Peggo , “ No I am I am looking for the 2nd team” came the muffled reply. Popey strolled into the clubhouse wearing his ex Gestapo leather coat, “Crikey George that’s a fair bit of kit “ I exclaimed “ I know” said Popey proudly, ”As its Movember I thought I would grow a small moustache and comb my hair forward “ I have to say that’s not the best idea George has ever had. Meanwhile AP had spotted the coat and asked if he could borrow it for his dressing up box .
I met Nick from Starfrost, who has just sponsored J.C and wanted a mention (there you are ) .
Quote of the week: The older you get the better you realise you were
01.11.12 The Return of the Claw
Well this has been a strange week , Mrs Pres wanted to start Xmas shopping , I ended up in Istanbul , how did that happen !!, even this was eclipsed by the trip down to East London.
The Fun Boy Five climbed into Chris’s car, this time Trev was in the back with Ted and Graham , who soon adapted to the style of the day by having to return home for some urgent shoe repairs, he followed this up as we neared London, and could see the skyline of our great capital on the horizon skyline by stating “ I have been on the big wheel you know “ Really” said Ted who had just woken up “ I have never been to Blackpool “ Neither have I “ said Graham .The car went very quiet until we realised that he meant the London Eye.
No lunch at East London, which Ted saw as a relief – not for any dietary benefit “ At least we won’t have to listen to one of your jokes “. So I told one anyway , the chap in the sandwich shop seemed to enjoy it.
The game seemed to start in the usual fashion, we let them score first, GH cheered as the line was crossed, until he realised that the East London strip was similar to the old Norwich one and it was the opposition he was clapping. Scotty scored 3 times (did he buy a jug?) , and Bails made a welcome appearance alongside Popey .
We had visiting spectators, Dr Claw was seen lurking on the touchline, he is currently undergoing research in a London Hospital (or is it undertaking), not sure. Well done to Lauren for running the half marathon last week end, must have been the cider she wasn’t supposed to be drinking.
Rumour has it :- Si Darby has a bug – its called Roger and lives in a drawer, apparently Captain Dave also had one last week .
GH has lost his new tape measure .
Chairman Steve was seen at the Club minus badge – hope he bought a drink .
Serious Thought of the week – what if the Hokey Cokey really is what its all about??
Answer to last weeks “ who said that “ - My Dad .
23.10.12 The case of O’Brien and the badges
While I remember – well done to all the youth teams for last week’s results, especially the colts for that great win in the cup against Basildon, next up is Westcliff which will be a hard game, so Good Luck. The Lovedays held a christening – no not Mark, their little girl, congratulations to all the family. The first curry club organised by “Pedals” Everett at the Ribs of Beef went well with over 21 attendees. Brendan O’Brien ( who we will hear more of later) had a birthday. Tim (Bonecrusher) Askham was watching , if he offers to shake your hand , just wave or you will never play the piano again. We hosted Wansted this week, the lunch went well with 2 of our main sponsors attending Anglia Home Improvements and Validus, thanks to both organisations for their continuing support. I presented badges to Chairman Steve and Secretary Pott ( Steve’s was “Milk Monitor” and AP’s was “Sheriff” ), they seemed pleased, I have one for the Treasurer but we haven’t seen him for a while which is a worry. Steve modelled the new club blazer, made of the finest man made materials you can find and shipped from the “Nice Gentleman Likey Good time “ factory in Bangkok , Steve has carried out extensive research into the outlet that provided him with the best range of services. We hadn’t seen Brendan O’Brien at the club for a while as he has been away housepainting in Spain, I asked him how it had been, “ I only made it to Watford “ “Why’s that?” “ The lead on the electric sander wouldn’t reach , but I am here today to appear in the blog“ I said that I wasn’t sure I could do that. “ What about if I do something strange and death defying “ “ Like what? “ …………………. ”This!!” “My Goodness, doesn’t that hurt?” I asked while trying not to stare. ” Only if the hat falls off, or the hosepipe slips, or I am near a naked flame, shall I do it again?”. “ “No you’re in” I said feeling a bit sick. The game was excellent, Grizzly Dave reclined on his chaise longue being fed grapes by 'Water boy' Smillie, and was so relaxed that at half time he wandered away to play with his tyre, before coming back for the second half. Man of the Match Dougie, rampaged around like a small demented rhino chasing a Landrover, I was reprimanded by CJ (actually he hit me) for suggesting that an opposition player who was sitting on the centre spot as we tried to kick off may have been delaying things!!.
Overall an excellent day. Saying of the week “ If in doubt wear a big hat” – who said that?
15.10.12
Five Men and a Reliant Robin
Off we went to Datchworth, Ted drove and Me, CJ, and AP snuggled up in the back seat, we stopped at traffic lights in Heathersett and the front door opened and in leapt Wardley “ Hello boys, room for a little one, I can sit in the front and navigate, this will be a jolly trip ”. The Robin sped on, just past Duxford where we all waved to the aeroplanes, CJ became a little fidgety.As he was next to me I asked him what on earth he was doing, “Trying to get these 2 mint imperials out of my trouser pocket” “They are not mint imperials Chris” How do you know? “ asked a puzzled CJ. “Well the main reason is you are in my trouser pocket” “Oh sorry old boy, did you know the lining is ripped ?” I do now and could you get your nails clipped “.
We arrived at Datchworth in good time and enjoyed an excellent lunch, I told the story about Chris and Jeremy’s Great Uncle Guido ( which was a surprise as they don’t have one), drew the usual groans from the other attendees and went to watch the match.
You will have read the match report so will understand how exciting it was, Snapper Micklethwaite photographed the spectators, Ted’s glasses (why are they labelled Fred?), Dwyers grandson, the landscape and a squirrel .
Grizzly Dave was this week spotted outside Bedford station:
Policeman – move along sir
GD – No, I am waiting to pick up a hooker (it turned out to be a prop)
Policeman – Not in Bedford at this time of day sunny Jim, name please.
GD – Why ?do you not know, it is I Grizzly Dave, Director of Rugby of Norwich Rugby Club.
Policeman – You are not the father of Luke “Pedals” Everett, cyclist, Jeyes Fluid Tester and rugby coach are you?
GD – That’s him, well he certainly works at Jeyes and rides a bike , not sure about the other thing.
Policeman – Never heard of him, now on your way.
On Sunday it was shop duty for Mrs Pres, I ran round the pitch a few times, snaffled another bacon roll and raided the cake stall. We had arrived a little late to be met with AP playfully slapping his riding crop against his leg, “ You are both late and will be put in the punishment cell !!, we are missing sales get in there both of you, and the books had better balance or else”.
One of the first team squad came into the shop to borrow some shorts, in case he played for the colts, when asked what size he replied “ As small as possible I want my legs to look big!” (no names but you know who you are)
Blazer News Flash – it has arrived, Chairman Steve will be publishing a rota as to when we can wear it, I am looking forward to the 3rd week in July next year, when it will be my turn.
Serious Thought of the week.“A pile of rocks ceases to be a rock pile when somebody contemplates it with the idea of a cathedral in mind”
10.10.12 The strange case of the locked shed. The early morning sun created a sea of shining gems as it reflected on early morning dew, the mist curled like the smoke from a dying bonfire as it circled the trees, clad in their autumnal glory.I wondered if the shed door was going to be unlocked so I could venture down to Upminster …………………….. Some time later……………….Sunday already I must have dozed off , Yippee the doors open better pop up to the club and see what the mini’s and Youth are up to.
Well what a great sight, hundreds of the little devils all seeming to have a whale of a time and learning some useful skills, the enthusiasm shown by the coaches and support from parents was good to see , the bacon roll went down well and I had a look at the cake stall where there were some nice muffins on display, Andy Pott was there ( minus the prod) and provided a report on the Upminster game, injuries in key positions didn’t help but did highlight the need to strengthen the squad which I am sure is top of the coaching teams agenda. Grizzly Dave was seen driving round East London trying to pick someone up, it turned out to be a player ( thank goodness).
The week started well with a committee meeting, Snapper Micklethwaite arrived for the meeting only to be told by AP that he was at the wrong meeting, “ You told me to come” said Snapper “ No I didn’t” said Pott, “ You did” “ I didn’t “ You did”, Snapper threw his cap at Pott who responded with a swift jab of the ever ready prod , they then proceeded to grapple in the corner of the room, this disturbed Grizzly Dave who was resting on his bale of straw, he playfully swatted at AP as he rolled past , locked in combat with Snapper, Henson was quietly weeping because no-one was listening and Trippas read through the accounts which no-one can understand. We received an update on the blazers, one sleeve has now been made but Steve has run out of wool.We have a date for the Christmas mini’s party, and I understand that Father Christmas is to undertake 2 weeks intensive combat training ready for the day.
This week we have an away game at Datchworth, which should be fun, just don’t know where it is .
02.10.12 The case of Spinksy and the Swindle. Another exciting game and another win, although by a closer margin than we would have liked, at one stage it looked like the chance of another bonus win, but to keep things exciting we allowed them back into the game, and only won by 3. The lunch was attended by a few more, the noise of the groans at the speech was distinctly louder, exciting news as I won the swindle for the second week running, and for the second week running Spinksy made me give it back. How generous you may think, however the first week I wasn’t even in the room when I agreed to give it back. Spinksy thought it hilarious, I have never seen him laugh so much since someone asked him to open his wallet!! Man of the match this week was young Ives, who has now ditched the yellow hat and replaced it with a white one, this together with his white boots, made him resemble a rather stocky cotton bud. He is now being matched in the sartorial stakes by Dougie and “Water boy” Smiley, both of whom looked quite dapper in their bespoke post match outfits, a fine advert for Primark. “Cattleprod” Pott reports continuing success with the collection of subs, although a number of players are insisting he uses the prod on them before they will pay, interestingly he is now taking bookings for private sessions, all proceeds to the club funds. Hilly was noticed peering wistfully in to the office after asking what voltage was used.. A strange aerial event occurred,( no not yet another missed kick) it was a Velocity aircraft built in Florida and available in kit form. ( how does “Snapper” Micklethwaite know this information), he also told me he was still looking hot, at this stage I left.
Next week away at Upminster, which will be tough.
Serious thought of the week …. Try not to become a man of success,but rather try to become a man of value. Question of the week ….. who said it?
Clue of the week …. No-one remotely connected with the Committee.
24.09.12 The case of the missing footman. What a great evening we had with Wayne Barnes , excellent food, a good range of stories and about 100 attendees, Bish and Mark Loveday did a great job, we also had players from another club there (shouldn’t you have been training boys?).
We did have some sad news though, “Sorry Pres” said Bish I will have to pull out from sedan chair duty this week, I pulled a fetlock at my Zumba class. “ That’s OK, I can manage on my own “ said Ted, “ It will take me back to my days as boy bugler with the Warwickshire Light Infantry at the siege of Mafeking, it was tough moving those gun limbers about but I think I can still do it”. “ I didn’t know you were a bugler Ted” “ Oh yes many’s the time I have roused the Colonel first thing in the morning”.
The journey to HARLOW went well if a little bumpy, Ted dragged me along and as you would expect was a little out of breath when we arrived , I think the overtaking move as we left at junction 8 took it out of him, but he soon recovered and we went to lunch.
The game went well, Leaky leaped like a salmon, Dave Byrne destroyed a concrete post., Jordy ran about a lot, Jay missed a couple of kicks but converted a couple, Josh gave us a demonstration of the full range of skills needed to be a hooker (in the rugby sense that is) dummies, missed passes (not too many of them) side steps and deft chips over the top, some of which came off. Dave Smiley as water boy is really growing into his role, he also engaged with the opposition supporters as he ran along the touchline, “ Ha, Ha look at me I am faster than your players, I twist, I turn, I side step, watch me run , they responded well and pelted him with coins, small pebbles and mud!! He followed this up by leaving the bottles in the full glare of the late summer sun, until gently reminded by Grizzly Dave that this would make the water warm.” Ah yes, Grizzly Dave, but the players may want a cup of tea and biscuit at half time” Grizzly dragged him over and sat on him for the rest of the afternoon.
It was great to see some travelling support as Di and her mums army made their presence felt along the touchline, welcome ladies. Di was heard to mutter to hubbie Andy “ You are looking hot today my love” “I know its these new jogging pants, they are cut a bit tighter under the armpits, but steady on Captain Dave may hear “ “ It’s OK two Harlow players are sitting on his head” “Must get a shot of that” said Andy as he polished his lens.
As we were about to leave – “ I have just seen young ladies in tennis skirts in the players changing room “ Gasped Ted “ Its OK the theme of the week is Wimbledon” Do you mean they are chaps” Yes, why what have you done, ? “ Nothing “ Then why are you blushing ?” “Shall we go” said Ted.
Answer to last week’s question - Duke of Wellington after the battle of Waterloo.
18.09.12 The case of the kidnapped sponsor
“EEK what’s that ? “ shrieked Annette as she pointed to the door of the club houses, “ Only me “said AP,”It’s now fully charged up and raring to go” “Well can you stop waving it around as we are about to eat” ,” What about the cattle prod?”, “ Yes that to”. AP informed us that his efforts with the collection of subscriptions was paying off , 28% of players have paid he said, “ Yes Andy but that means 72% haven’t “ Oh I hadn’t thought of that” .
The day started well as Mrs President dropped me off and cycled home, I bounded into the club house, “ Here I am folks” to be met with the sound of pins dropping and tumbleweed blowing across the bar. Spinksy told me we had 13 for lunch, “ Oh dear they obviously heard about last week’s speech, “ No Andy the ones who heard it aren’t here these are new victims “. “If this carries on we will be holding the next lunch in a phone box” “ At least they won’t hear you” said Carl.
Mark O’Leary introduced me to a club sponsor, we chatted I bought him a beer, we chatted some more about the game and stuff, he then asked me if he was at North Walsham!! After some debate, a stiff prodding from AP we let him out of the building, put him in a taxi and sent him on his way to where he had 8 guests waiting .
The game could best be described as a “close run thing” Who said that? Cantabs started well and for a while it looked as though we were in trouble, however Capt Dave marshalled his troops like a young Napoleon at the Battle of Marengo ( Presidents tip Dave – the horse has to go ), Leaky came on and added a bit of steel to the forwards, (it was hidden in his sock), he also seemed to have acquired long strips of green tape down his legs (something to do with the legendary hamstring I’ll bet). As you will know the game ended in a draw but I think the overall view was that it was there for the taking especially with all the second half pressure. Next week away to Harlow. In view of the price of fuel I will be travelling by sedan chair leaving Thursday, so far Bish (who had a recent Birthday by the way) and Ted Searle will be acting as footmen. If you see us on the A14 give us a wave.
Update on club blazers – Chairman Henson has now decided to knit them.
And finally Josh’s outfit this week – a tweed jacket with elbow patches teamed with shorts and flip flops.
This week’s punchline “ and what position does she play?” – now what was the joke.
10.09.12 Well, what a start to the season great overall performance from the team, who played some great rugby against an enthusiastic West Norfolk team. The first lunch and debut speech went well, no-one fell asleep and they all smiled politely (or was it in sympathy?)
Mrs President will now be seen on occasional Sundays in the club shop, oh how she laughed when I told her she had volunteered , I am now sleeping in the shed !
Captain Dave didn’t start the game and the team was led by Josh Ives sporting a rather nifty yellow hat which he teamed with white shoes, not sure about the flowers on the hat though. We awarded a few ties for 10 or more games, one of them for the second time or was it to an unknown twin only Drinkill knows, Chris Drohan was so pleased with his tie he hugged me, although with that beard we will never know if he is wearing a tie , I can’t think who he reminds me of with that long hair and beard but it will come to me (possibly Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull? - Ed)
Leaky didn’t play this week as he says he has a hamstring – whether this means he has damaged one or realised he has one no-one is sure , but he and his hair will be a welcome addition next week for what will be a stern test for the team.
Chairman Henson was on form and updated everyone on his progress with the new club blazers, as a cost cutting exercise he is ordering 30 cream coloured ones and a set of marker pens and will colour them in to individual requirements , should look nice.
Andy Pott was seen to be charging up a cattle prod after the game, “I am determined to collect those subscriptions “ he was heard to mutter with a steely glint in his eye , I urged him to reconsider as it was early in the season, and asked why he felt it necessary to wear jack boots, “ Oh I just like them” he said “ and the subs are from last year, I will not be denied!!” he yelled as he tested the prod on me. At the mention of subscriptions several of the team moved faster than they had all afternoon and exited the building.
Next week we are at home, so another lunch another speech, and Andy Pott will be charging up the cattle prod, we know who you are chaps and he is on your trail.
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